I feel like a mess right now. Please help?

You are suffering from depression and should make an appointment with a psychiatrist who can prescribe anti-depressants for you. And if you can afford it you should be seeing a therapist weekly; it might take you awhile to open up but seeing a trained person who can be objective can be very helpful. The medication is an important part of therapy for people who are as depressed as you are. I'm over 60 and have had to struggle all of my life with depression and I can't imagine how I would have been able to function as a half-way normal person without the professional help I have had. Please don't delay in seeking help. Good luck.